Ephesians 5:21-31
Live God’s Way for a Happy Life!
I. Submit to one another.
II. Wives, submit to your husbands.
III. Husbands, love your wives.
I’ll admit to you that I don’t read instruction manuals unless I absolutely have to. I buy an item, bring it home, take it out of the box and plug it in and expect it will work as I want it to. I do that with computers, televisions, alarm clocks, microwaves, refrigerators and freezers. It’s only when I can’t figure out how to use the dumb thing, that I resort to looking at the instructions for operation in the owner’s manual. And when I do that, I make sure I have the proper owner’s manual. For instance, I don’t look at my Frigidaire refrigerator manual to see how to operate my Whirlpool refrigerator. And when I have problems with my microwave, I don’t read the manual for my alarm clock. By now you’re probably wondering, "Pastor, why are you stating the obvious? Do we look that dumb?"
Of course not. But I state those things to make a point. If I want to enjoy a happy experience with my appliances, I need to make sure I follow the correct information from the one who produced the appliance.
I have here in my hand an ad for a marriage seminar that I clipped from Wednesday’s Dayton Daily News. It’s called "Happily Married: Fact or Fiction?" This seminar is part of a state government program entitled "Marriage Works, Ohio!" Funding for this program has come from your federal tax dollars and mine. This seminar will feature Dr. Scott Haltzman, a best selling author of books on marriage. I won’t discourage you from attending. In fact, I’m certain this seminar would help you make at least one change in yourself to help your marriage.
But if you really wanted help to live a happy life, married or not, wouldn’t you first look at the instructions from the One who not only produced you but also produced marriage? To put it more bluntly, wouldn’t you look to what your God tells you right here in his word?
We have that blessed opportunity this morning. Here in Ephesians 5 our God gives us his instructions for a happy life. Since our worship theme today encourages us to make God-pleasing choices, let’s be moved out of love for Christ to live God’s way for a happy life. Live God’s way for a happy life. Let’s read and ponder and take to heart God’s instructions for that life.
I.
Today’s sermon text contains a dirty word in our modern society. It’s the word "submit." Our world’s attitude is that no one likes to submit. We only do it when we have no other choice or when the alternative is more painful. For instance, we submit to the wishes of our boss at work only because we need this job and the income it provides. If it weren’t for that, we’d tell him to…well, you know what I mean.
And yet Paul opens up this section of his letter with these words, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." He’s speaking to Christians and he tells each one of us to submit to all the others. That doesn’t mean we bow down on our knees to each other. It doesn’t mean we wait until someone tells us what to do. He doesn’t mean something ridiculous such as we stand around all day telling each other, "No, you first," and no one makes a move all day long.
The word Paul uses for submit indicates placing yourself under someone else for the good others. There’s no jockeying for the best position. There’s no competition to see who is most important. It realizes that, in any situation in which we work together, we’re going to have to submit to each other out of love for one another. And that submission in no way indicates that one person is more important than another.
When I was in kindergarten the older students in school served as crossing guards at busy intersections. Even if there was a truck hauling vital medical supplies coming down the street, as that crossing guard made his way into the street with a group of students, that truck driver had to stop. As mature and important as that driver and his cargo were, for the good of all, he submitted momentarily to the 14-year-old crossing guard.
We submit to each other. You often submit to me as your pastor. You listen as I preach and teach God’s word. But later today I might have the opportunity to submit to you as I open the door for you. As you take on a project here at church, I might ask you what I can do to help you. I’m sure the same thing goes on in your lives at home.
And that submission does not mean that one person is more important than the other. That’s what it means to so many in our world out there, but not in our Christian world. Our God knows that real happiness in life comes not when we are served by others, but when we, out of love for Christ, serve others. And that means submitting to each other.
Live God’s way for a happy life. Submit to one another.
A major part of our Christian life is our interaction with one another. It’s about our fellowship with each other. That means, then, that our relationship obviously suffers when we choose not to interact with each other or when we take the attitude that I’m better than you are or I know better than you do. That’s sinful pride and that’s not the life our Savior lived for us. Recall that he, as true God from all eternity, came to this earth to serve you and me all the way to death on Calvary’s cross. If anyone would have had the right to demand that we submit to him instead of he to us, it would have been Christ. But he willingly went to death for your sins and mine. There’s our motivation for submitting to each other. And when we do, our God blesses us with a happy life.
II.
Having spoken to all of us, Paul now focuses more sharply as he deals with Christians in their marriage.
First, he speaks to wives and simply states, "Wives, submit to your husbands as the Lord." I don’t suppose you’ll hear that advice if you attend the marriage seminar I pointed to earlier. That’s not the world’s concept of marriage. In fact, most marriage ceremonies today drop these words altogether.
But it’s God’s way for a happy marriage. He speaks these words because he is the God of order. Look at the order he displayed in creation. Look at the order of our salvation. Likewise he wants order in our lives as well. He knows that a two-headed arrangement won’t work. So he calls for order in a Christian marriage and gives wives the instruction to submit to their husbands.
Again, that submission does not imply a lesser importance. Take an illustration from baseball. Most baseball fans will tell you that the pitcher is the most important player on the field. And yet what does the pitcher do before every pitch? He takes a signal from the catcher. He realizes that, if they’re going to be effective in working together to win the game, he’s going to have to take directions from his catcher. There’s an order involved which includes submission.
And wives, don’t miss what Paul writes after the word "husbands." Those words are "as to the Lord." Our sinful nature doesn’t want to submit to Jesus, but the new person living within us by faith in Jesus loves to submit to him. That new person realizes the eternal, sacrificial love that Jesus has for us. He only wants what is best for us. Of course we submit to him. Live God’s way for a happy life. Wives, submit to your husbands.
In the order for Christian marriage in our hymnal, we make reference to the fact that Adam and Eve experienced a perfect marriage relationship, but that only lasted until they fell into sin. After that, their sinful natures brought many hardships into their married life.
So it is with us as well. Wives, the last thing your sinful nature wants to hear is, "Submit to your husband." And that’s especially difficult when your husband isn’t listening to what God says to him, and we’ll get to that in a minute. But that’s no excuse to turn your marriage roles upside down. But it is reason to do what every Christian should be doing every day of their Christian life—recognizing the deeds and desires of my sinful nature, confessing them to our merciful God, being certain of our forgiveness because Jesus served us by dying for our sins, and being renewed to live according to God’s ways for a happy life.
III.
So, husbands, are you ready for God’s instructions for you? Here they are, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
I’ll stop there, even though Paul goes on for several more verses. In fact, husbands, did you notice that Paul says a lot more to you than he does to your wife? I think one of the reasons for it is that we don’t get it. Our wives get it, but we don’t. They just want to be loved, every day, all day, but we can’t seem to come close to doing that.
You see, husbands, the burden is on us. We’re to love as Christ loved us. That means we’re to love our wives selflessly. Jesus didn’t seek out his own good. He lived every day on this earth seeking only what was best for us. He was selfless. That’s the kind of love he calls for us to show our wives.
And not only is that love to be selfless, it’s also to be sacrificial. Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Does your wife get the instant impression every day that you are willing to die for her in order to make her happy? Or, does she get the impression that you hardly know she has any needs, that you have no clue what’s going on in her world, that she ought to know how busy you are just trying to provide for the family? And by the way, fellas, the preacher is preaching to himself here. I share a sinful nature with you. But do you want to be happy in your life with your wife? Then love her with a love that is willing to die for her.
Husbands, I realize there may be times when there’s no good earthly reason to love your wife. Wives, I know there are times when you have no good earthly reason to love your husband. But that’s where Christ comes in, the third partner in your marriage. Recall how he loves you. Fully trust in the forgiveness he won for you. And out of love for him, husbands, love your wives.
That’s God’s way for a happy life. May he bless you with that happiness. Amen.
